He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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