I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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