david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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