my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
