I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
