MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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