i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
