Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
