She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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