Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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