I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
