I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
