If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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