Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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