if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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