I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
