Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
