umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
