Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
