This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
