Please, let me fuck your mom
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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