in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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