you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
zippers are such a cool invention
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
