You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
