I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
