I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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