Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
