sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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