There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
