You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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