i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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