Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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