I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
