My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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