i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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