can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
