Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
