I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
