Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
