We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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