census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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