Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
