hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
