the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
