I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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