so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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