the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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