Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize