im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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