Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
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