Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
