Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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