Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
