just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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