I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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