The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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