k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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