Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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