Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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