you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
