those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
