apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
