dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
